He Restores My Soul--pieces of Karen's Heart

My Way or No Way

2011-10-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

So, I'm beginning to think that we, as a society, have a view of love that is a bit "off"...which both affects how we give AND receive love. But maybe I'm just having a couple of "weird" weeks? Or maybe I ate some bad Chinese.

If I may, some of what I've observed when it comes to loving others, is that so often, we heap conditions after conditions, and it's always on OUR terms....and that's IF we choose the particular individual in which to divulge our affection on. If WE don't choose THEM, well, then, that's a whole different story.

And this my friends saddens me to no end, for love becomes nothing more than a self gratifying object, in which to bring pleasure to ourselves, when we want, or have time and how we want. It's nothing more than something of entertainment or pleasure, that we could purchase in the store. It becomes dirty, tainted, and worthless.

But what about if we could offer a different kind of love? And receive ourselves a better type of love?

Does it even exist??

I would venture to say it does, but probably requires oneself to put their hearts "out there" or be vulnerable.

Last night, I was reminded of a great quote from C.S Lewis, by a friend, and it states, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

So what's my point??

True love is out there, and I'm not just talking about love between opposite genders, but friendships, and really all relationships!

So often, we shut the "doors of our heart", shutting people out. This can look different for everyone. For some it may be an actual lack of vulnerability, for others, they get lost in the busyness of the day to avoid fully giving over their heart to others, and the list goes on.

The sad thing is, not only does THAT person lose, but as I've said in countless blogs before, we ALL lose.

We all seek to be loved, yet are fearful, I think fearful that we will be rejected or not accepted....but I wonder....if we could, as C.S Lewis wrote, be vulnerable, I wonder how that would change how we even love? And WHOM we love?

What do YOU think?

Maybe instead of choosing who we want to love and when we have the time to love, maybe our ways become less important, when we see the fruits of "vulnerability".

Hmmm...

Thoughts???.....

I'm a Survivor

2011-07-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

This evening I was reading a blog entitled, I am a Survivor. If you want, feel free to check it out... http://twloha.tumblr.com/post/6665063244

It is written by an organization that encourages those who struggle with addictions, pain, depression, cutting, suicide...you name it! It's definitely for the broken.

Anyways, if you don't get a chance to read that blog, it was pretty much talking about a woman who was abused sexually, three years ago to be exact, and she talks about her pain. She shares how there are days where she's happy and experiencing much growth, and then there are those days, where she feels like she is right back in the thick of the pain that took place three years ago, as if no time elapsed.

She goes on to share how she has realized she is a survivor. And even as she shares that, she fears the label itself, "survivor". She shares how society, and even the closest of friends and family can look at another's story, or pain, or even "label" and possibly see weakness, fragility, disease or any other list of less than strong words.

But what she closes with in admitting her story and her "label", if you will....is that in her pain and weakness, new friendships have formed, and other hearts have been encouraged through it all....all of those people who have been willing to accept her, for who she is, brokenness and all.

Her story deeply touched my own soul, and hit close to home on so many levels.

And as I am sitting outside a coffee shop in the quiet of the night, what stirs in my head most is how we, in different ways, are all survivors. Some of us are survivors of very real wars, others are survivors of abusive homes or relationships, or addictions, or maybe survivors of various other hardships.

So often, I think what stops us from sharing our stories with others and the pain they hold, is the shame in our weakness and pain. Or maybe even fear of judgment from others in how we survived/coped.

I've seen this even in my own story.

Growing up, I found various ways to hurt my body, in which to numb my experiences and hurt. And sometimes, in sharing my story, I fear peoples reactions or how they will look at me now, as a person when they hear the stories of parts of my life.

I've even seen this with a friend of mine. Her husband is an ex-gang member, an alcoholic and is now going to jail. He has two beautiful kids, and some would say he is a horrible dad, as he shares his story. But let me tell you, he loves his little kids.

What does all this mean??

That there is power in our stories. There is power in us sharing with others about our current pain or struggles. Or our past ones too.

We need each other, people! Our stories weren't meant for just us, or for just our immediate family. But for everyone! Otherwise it leaves with our passing.

I need your story! And you need mine.

There will be people that reject your story, and maybe even you, but don't stop! You never know how it may encourage another. It may even save a life. Your story, your words...could just be the words to keep someone going another day. Don't wait till someone asks for it, but rather in boldness be willing to offer it.

I don't know about you, but my soul thirsts for this. To walk together with others, sharing the waves of life, and offering authenticity that lies in our past, and in our stories.

I am a survivor of abuse, both from myself and others. And I have a story to tell.

What about you?

Is it worth it?

2011-05-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

With June approaching speedily, so comes students of all ages graduating. From the youngest of young, to the oldest of old, graduation may be experienced in one way or another. With graduation comes change, and change, as we all know is not always the easiest for us to "roll" with.

There are those who may be graduating, and experiencing the change of going to college, or getting a "real" job :)...

And there may be those who are experiencing the change of their sweet child growing up, graduating into more than just college but life.

All of these, whatever the change, are not always easy, and sometimes we are less than willing to look at the hardship, or even be willing to walk through all the implications of the changes.

This can definitely be a season of change that is hard for many.

I look at change, or the offer to walk through change, as an extended hand being held towards us, offering us something. In my case, Father's hand.

We are being offered something, of which we may not be entirely sure of fully...yet.

Many times, when we are offered something, or asked to do something, we almost ALWAYS ask ourselves what the cost of it will be versus the direct benefits it may have for us.

"Will it be painful?

Will it take much of my time and efforts?

Can I even do it?"

....vs. benefits such as, "What will I gain from it?

Do I even WANT to do it?" And the list may go on.....

Do you think about these?

I know I ask these questions. These are questions that I'm CURRENTLY asking. In my new season, I know Father is extending His hand to me...He's offering me something, something more. But I know this....the cost will be great. I don't know much, but I know that in order for me to move forward and keep growing I will need to accept that extended hand that is being offered to me.

And the thought scares me. Here's an honesty moment between you and I....my heals are a bit dug in right now, too scared to grab that hand and all that that will imply.

Maybe that's where you are at too? Or maybe not...

I don't know where you are at, but Father is such a gentleman. He always waits till we are ready or until we grab His hand. And sometimes for some, He sends certain people in your life to give a gentle push into grabbing hold of that extended hand.

Whether you are ready or willing to grab hold of His hand being offered or NOT, ask yourself this....

Is it worth accepting His hand, in order to move forward, into change, and step out of hurt, pain and confusion??

Do you gain more in moving forward and taking His hand, and taking that risk, or do you gain more by staying stuck? And are you willing to bring people along with you??

Well...

So..... is it worth it?

What can I do for YOU?

2011-03-08T21:36:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's an American theme, or if this is found else where as well, but I feel like I hear the phrase, "What can I do for you?", quite often. I've heard it from telemarketers, various customer service reps from the companies that I pay bills to, to even servers at restaurants. It seems like so often we are trying to figure out what we can do for someone?...our kids, spouses, bosses, in ministry, whatever...

Now don't get me wrong, that's NOT a bad thing. Shoot, check out half of my blogs! You'll find that most of my blogs touch on loving others, and seeking to not forget and love those around you and that are hurting! So I'm not saying that's wrong. Here me right.

What I AM saying is this....how often do you let others help YOU? How often do you let people into your life...whether it be in areas of pain, joy, confusion, anger, whatever! How often do you do that? Take a moment and think about that....

Ok, moment's up :). Well, I'll just say that I RARELY do that, I don't know about you. I'm so used to taking care of things for myself, and not asking anything from anyone. This has allowed me to not need to trust in anyone, in case that they let me down or don't come through. This is so much in grained into my subconscious and being, that I won't ask for help, not wanting to bother anyone with things going on in my heart, or even something silly like allowing someone to buy me lunch. I can tell you that I've probably missed out on TONS of blessings from others, that were coming straight from the Father to me.

I say this, because we have these hearts that are willing to care for another in some capacity or another, but allow our OWN hearts to be neglected or cared for, or even share them. Folks, we NEED each other. It's not really an option for us. If we are to pour into others, our hearts must be poured into. We have nothing to pour into another, if our cups are empty.

For those of you readers that believe in Jesus, I think of a verse in the book of Hebrews that says, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage each other all the more as you see the day drawing near". Plain English, that's reminding us that we need to be in community together. Not only our families, but those outside our circle, and not just anyone either. We need people that can call us out on things that we need calling out on, but can also encourage us. We need people that can love US, into being the people that Jesus wants us to be, not just staying in our comfort zones.

This takes being willing to see past what is comfortable for us, or what we know. This isn't easy for me, as I'm sure it won't be for you, but I'll tell ya what....I don't want to miss out on more blessings, and not only that, my heart longs to be cared for, known and loved deeply, as I'm sure yours does too. And the only way we can experience that, is allowing others into our circle, into our hearts to speak into us. To fill our cup. And the beautiful thing is, is when our cup is being filled, it always spills into others cups, even the one doing the pouring.

Let us take time to slow down our days, to spend time with others, and to ask for help, to ask for prayer, to share "ourselves" and the deep places with others. When we do that we not only get blessed, but bless in return.

So before you figure out how to fill your days, trying to open your eyes to who you can bless, encourage and help...make sure you are allowing for that in your OWN life, and with the right people.

Thanks for listening...be filled!

I am Human....

2011-02-26T15:53:00.000-08:00

So, each month in Long Beach, there is a program there that provides a breakfast to those who are in need or homeless, and then an opportunity to get free groceries and even clothes afterwards, of which I have the good pleasure of being apart of.

I have to say, what I look forward to most, is hanging out with this special group of misfits that have spirit, they have stories of brokenness, some of redemption, others still searching, all of whom don't try to hide who they are, or where they've been. Partially because it's written on their faces, hands, and clothes. Some would call them homeless, but I call them friends.

So often, we as people, and dare I even say Christians, run from suffering. Both in our own lives, and in the lives of people around us. Maybe it makes us uncomfortable, or maybe we don't know what to do with it, both in ourselves and others. Who knows?! But after chatting with my friends that reside in riverbeds, I can't help but feel a bit discontented or maybe just longing for more.

Take my friend Dave-o for instance. Most people don't give him the time or day to chat with him because they see a toothless dirty man, with grungy hair. He often gets treated in a sub human manner, and ignored. And let's be honest, most of us just keep walking, and probably all while we are assuming that they are at fault for their current predicament (which in some sense comforts us to be able to walk on), forgetting what we saw. However, for those who have stopped, and taken a moment to chat with Dave-o, you will soon be enraptured with a man who may be dirty, but LOVES Jesus more closely than most, and lives a life of purpose and passion. And can I just say Dave-o is stinkin' smart! Dave-o carries no shopping cart of goodies, but only totes a messenger bag full of bibles, gospel tracks and bible study books. This supposed sub-human not only shares his story and God's love to who ever is willing to listen, but comes each month to this monthly food drive, not to take one item. He comes for the sole purpose of chatting with me and another person that also works this program.

This weekend he began asking me and another friend about our life, and the condition of our heart, etc. And we asked that of him, as well. We even unintentionally challenged each other with things that God may be asking of us. I remember leaving our time together, feeling deeply enriched, having experienced the Holy Spirit, but also feeling discontented and wanting more. I can't help feel like Dave-o is what the book of Hebrews calls, "Angels Unaware". Whatever the case, I want more of what Dave-o has, both his unrelenting, and passionate love for Jesus and his vulnerability.

I want to have those in my life that push me for vulnerability, challenge me, aren't afraid of being honest with me, and that also open their arms to those things in their own lives. I'm just reminded of how short life is, and how unpredictable life can be, and just HOW much we need each other.

I'm sure most of us share what we want with those we want, to the degree we want. What a tragedy that is! Really! I mean, how many struggles may be going on in the hearts of those around you, all of which is being unshared, and cared for, all because there is no sign or trend of that in any other person around them! I wonder...how many suicides could have been prevented?! How many people kept from cutting?! How many bottles or pills put down.....you get the point. We so often don't take even the simplest of steps, like Dav-o, of just asking how another's heart is, and not being content for a watery answer, but wanting stock, wanting the core of what's in another's heart, and pushing for it, fighting for more in another.

I am human, as each of you who are reading this, also are! And in being human, we are broken, sinful, lost, hurting people, in need of each other, as well as the Father. There is no shame in that.

Let us take Dave-o's example and step out into relationships! Keep those around you accountable, pray for them, speak into their lives, challenge them, love them, ask them questions about the condition of their heart...and let them ask that of you. Let people into your mess, and go into theirs, for in the mess is where we find Jesus lurking, wanting to heal, restore, challenge, encourage and love us in. The more we walk past that toothless, grimy area, the more we miss out on something more, something rich, and special. But it takes entering into the mess, and getting uncomfortable, but not alone. Never alone.

Giving the gift of love...

2011-02-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

With Valentines coming up tomorrow, it got me thinking on the topic of love. In our world, we are, and probably always have been, VERY "me" focused. And this certainly doesn't change when it comes to love. Think about it! Do you truly seek out and love those who maybe don't love you back, or that treat you harshly, or that have no love to give in return??? Well??? Well, I don't know about you, but I probably don't, not very often at at least. It's hard isn't it?!

We so often seek out those who will love us best, or that we look up to, or at least have something to offer....ALL of which there is NOTHING wrong with! We so often chose those we desire to love, and leave it right at that, in life....Rather than letting those who are in need of that type of love choose us, allowing them into our sphere. Does that kinda make sense?? In short, we like to control our lives, into lives that are within our comfort, in all areas, not only love. 'Cause let's be honest...it's scary and maybe even annoying to allow others into your lives, those that maybe are emotionally needy, or have no one in their life, or that have addictions or other issues. In a society where we feel the need to fix and have answers, or be comfortable, people that fit the previous sentences' description can cause anxiety and discomfort in us.

I totally get it, and understand how it interrupts our way of life...however, the only problem is, that if we keep life as is, and don't let these wounded souls into our lives with willingness to shower them with love and going out of our way to care, people lose. And not just any one...those who already are the forgotten, the wounded, the lost, etc. There are those that are chained to addictions, cutting themselves, abuse, abandonment, or any number of things, and all because they feel alone, unlovable, unwanted, or abandoned. Mother Teresa states, "being unwanted, unloved or cared for by anyone is a far greater poverty in this world, than world hunger".

It's so much easier to love those that are in our lives, or those we have chosen as friends, but let us open our circle wider, to those who feel love has never knocked at their door. Let us love without expectations or bounds. Love HARD!

So as Valentines Day is just around the corner, I pray that you would give the gift of love to someone who needs it most. Go out of your way to make sure that they know that they are loved, and truly special. And you may be surprised who feels most blessed, the receiver or the giver.

Happy Valentines,
K

The Least, the Last, and the Lost

2010-11-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I wish I could sometimes install an off switch for my mind. It never seems to stop thinking about things, analyzing, processing, etc. This can be good, or sometimes not so great, and ALWAYS annoying. :)

Well, lately I find myself in a very discontented place in terms of community.

Ya know, I look at these pictures of children who have been abused, and my heart is saddened. But what speaks even louder to my soul is this thought-- I wonder just how many of you feel like that in the inside at times. This beaten, bruised, lonely and desperate for relief-- feelings in YOU. We all have them at times. These can be things that were put in you from others, or things you put in there yourself. But so often we stick to the surface, and portray this persona of strength.

And I guess my soul is just tired of that. Tired of it within myself, and tired of it within others.

It continues to be increasingly hard to break through this in people, and I'm not sure if my ways of going about it are wrong, or if people's walls are just that much more stronger. But my soul LONGS for these deep connections and seeing God work amongst them in their weaknesses.

As I continue to pray through this feeling of discontent, I am beginning to feel a pull towards being in community with the least, the last and the lost. I feel like God may be calling me to prayerful seek out a few people from maybe Hawaiian Gardens, who are homeless, and even those struggling with addictions.

I think so often, we consider them our ministry, rather than our friends, or our community. We look for those like us, and call them friends. Yet, what I'm finding, hopefully not sounding judgmental, is that we tend to forget our brokenness. But ya know, those on the street, struggling with problems, addictions, joblessness, etc. They know that they are broken. They know that they are lost. There's no hiding the stench on their clothes, or the hunger in their stomach or the tracers on their arm from shooting up. And that my friends, sounds sooooo appealing to me, and so refreshing to me.

I don't want to live in the comforts of my warm home, and nice car and forget my brokenness. But I want to be emersed in it. I want to daily face it, and not just live in the memory of a story of brokenness. I want to sit with those that struggle and don't have it figured out. I want to sit with those who are lonely. Because that's each of us...despite how we hide it. Well, that's at least me, I'll admit it.

Henri Nouwen has a beautiful quote that talks about this very thing. He says.... "We need to be angels for each other, to give each other strength and consolation. Because only when we fully realize that the cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy will we be able to drink it."

I think this is part of the reason why Jesus was always found spending time with the least, the last and the lost. I think not only did He want to share about His father with them, but because they knew something about brokenness and being lost...and Jesus came for such as those.

I want THAT type of community. How 'bout you?

Now or Never

2010-10-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

I find myself in a season so different than I've ever been in before. In the past I felt my life was FULL. I had endless amounts of friends, my days were bursting with activities and events, on top of doing ministry or work, etc.

This year and the season that has come with it, looks so very different. Friends are few, and my schedule is much more free-- free to spend with the Father, discover who I am in Him, and really who I am in general, experience life to the FULLEST, and really discover where God may be desirous of using me. This was not of my choosing of course, to be lacking in friends, and not doing things together with others more often. YET, I think it is where the Father has me.

Maybe it's just me, but we so often have a goal in sight of where we wish and hope to be one day. We focus in on that goal and at least try to make strides towards it. Mine are, I want to be a writer and speaker one day, also to lead others into worship, and be married with children. And long had I strived towards these things, or at least focused in on them. What are yours?

Ambitions aren't outwardly bad. I believe they are giftings that God has instilled in us that with His power, can unleash something mighty for His glory. Yet, we have a tendency to live for that. We want to be there now, and we don't just enjoy the "now" that we are in. We feel that sitting in where ever we are at is failure towards that goal, or passion, or dream.

I heard a wise comment come from a women Biola teacher, named Nell, at a women's luncheon recently. She shared how she struggled to be a stay at home mother for quite a while, as she was quite an ambitious women. She had desired to do many things that the Father gifted her in, yet sometimes felt bound in her needing to stay home. And now that that season is well past, she is doing some of those things she desired and MORE. And much of her season of staying at home long ago groomed her into the person she is now, prepared and seasoned for that which God had and has for her.

Do you see where I'm going with this? We so often live for the next moment, wanting to be anywhere but in the "now". Yet, there is much that can be learned and IS being learned in the life we are experiencing, in the season we are in NOW.

Contentedness is hard to find, yet, maybe if we see it as grounds for preparation, rather than shackles, and trust the Father in His plan, that may be a start.

So, while my life may look different than what it did, and may look different than yours, I know God is preparing me for His work, and preparing my heart.

Whether I ever write a book, or speak, or get married I am learning to enjoy where I am at. I feel that my life is growing more FULL alone in the Father, than it ever was, with the people and things that filled it before.

What's your season looking like? And what could it be that the Father is doing in you through it?

Will the real you please stand up?!

2010-08-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe this is just me, but I think so often we get stuck in the mentality that who were are right this moment, is who we are. There's no changing it, or at least not much, and that THIS must be who God intended me to be. I've even said at times, and heard others too, saying this is who I am, if someone doesn't like it deal! Or have you heard this one....can't teach an old dog new tricks!

And for so long I thought, wow...that's confidence! Or thought, maybe there's some truth to that.

As I've been "walking" together with a respected friend/mentor for a few months or so now, we got to talking about that. And I kind of mentioned in conversation with her, "this is who I am, why do I need to change?! Isn't that selling myself out?!"

Well, she calmly, yet firmly mentioned...."how's that working out for you?"

Ooo....hmmm....

"I guess not so good", I responded.

What's my point? My point is that I think we, or maybe just me, we get stuck, or rather COMFORTABLE in who we are. And so we say, HEY...this is who I am, don't touch!

We hope that no one pokes or prods too much, cause that would take work, and not only that...it's scary to travel into the unknown.

We are comfortable with HOW we do things, WHAT we do, and even WHO we do them with.

BUT....could you imagine a life of passion, a life of living BIG dreams, doing things you've always talked about, and maybe doing it all for God's glory?!

That's powerful stuff! And could TOTALLY transform who you are!

Well, that's kind of been what this new season has been. I've shared a little bit about this past year. I experienced a traumatic year last year, with losing so much. Then out of THAT season came a season of restoring, and new perspective and gain of strength through weakness.

Well, now, this new season is probably best summised as NEW LIFE.

Not only have I been experiencing SUCH grace, and strength and love in the Father, but He has given me a new perspective and really even a new life.

I have been doing things I have ALWAYS talked about doing! I'm actually living dreams! I've been starting golf, hiking every weekend, ran a 5k and now training for a 1/2 marathon (which I thought I'd NEVER do), and even getting opportunities to speak to groups of people, as I've always desired.

Now, you may read these things and think....those aren't HUGE things. But, for me, it is more than just the actual action being done, for me, it is what God is doing IN me, THROUGH those exciting things.

Not only is he bringing strength, in times were I feel like I maybe can't run all those miles, or hike any longer or speak to those people with any wisdom....HE is also providing for me during those times and HE keeps showing up to be with me in those circumstances.

And I'm beginning to see His strong power in my life AND, AND, AND....the self worth He sees in me. Not what others say I am, or think of me, but actually what HE thinks of me. And for me not only is it liberating, but it has blown His confidence in and through me, to be willing to do HUGE things for God, if and should He call me to them.

So, while I was comfortable with who I was and thought I'd sell myself out by changing...in reality, I was protecting my complacency. For it is NOW, that I am beginning to see that more of who I REALLY am, is only now beginning to come out. The real me is becoming more and more visible, and attracting more and more people and opportunities my way.

So, as you look at who you are and where your life is going, ask yourself...."How's that working for ya?"

Thieves in my house

2010-07-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not sure if you ever watch people, but I'm a avid watcher of people. I love to sit in the quiet of the day and watch and observe what people do, what they say, their body language, everything.

Do you ever have those moments where you are looking at another's life and you think to yourself....How do they not see what they are doing? Or maybe...they have to know what they just did or said was wrong. Or maybe even.....man, if only that person did X, Y, Z things would....or what about this...Gezz, that person is so rich, or so rude, or so conceited, or so narrow minded or so _________ (you fill in the blank).

No? Maybe it's just me.

Well, I don't know about you, but I sure have been living in that spot for the past few years, and I didn't even realize it. It creeped in through the doors of my heart like a thief in the night.

I was talking with a friend one day and she hung up the phone with a question dangled in the air of this....how did you begin to allow bitterness and judgment into your heart?

(wince....sigh)

Ouch. The very thing I despise...could it be true? I've allowed those into my heart?

My heart sunk. This was so hard to hear, yet, I knew that there was truth.

I drove to the beach and immediately thought.....oh if only she fully knew the year I'd had! She has no clue. And if only she knew all the people who have stomped on my heart!...If only she, if only, only, only, only....

While I sat at the beach, I began thinking...and then realized something. Forgiveness was never extended, in my heart, to those who've hurt me. I mean I forgave my main offenders, and thus figured I was ok. But I never extended forgiveness to those who maybe weren't the main offenders, but still left me.

While we may feel that it is unneeded, I assure you, it is.

Not for them, but for your own freedom. I'm beginning to see that it is imperative for it to be offered, even if not in person, if for nothing else, to release that bitterness and anger towards people.

Is it so easy, when hurt continuously by others, to shake that fist in the air at all and almost curse all mankind for their stupidity and their callousness.

But that my friends is where I've seen that the thieves named bitterness and resentment walk through. They walk through the door of this judgment towards others and our feeling that they should know better, or try harder, or whatever.

And then, guess what? The very thing we hate in others, becomes who we are.

I love to write, and have written many a blog about people and their lack of whatever, and while that may be true, we have unmanned our own door and let thieves come through.

So while, I have had a tough year, and maybe you have too, maybe a few of them, I must walk more in a balance. What do I mean?? --Allowing ourselves to grieve that which was lost or hurt in us, not pretending it's all good....BUT....to not look at our offenders and focus on what they did or didn't do...because as said before, THAT is when the thieves make their move.

So, I can only speak for myself, but if this applies to you maybe apply it, and that is this....to forgive those who have hurt you, say goodbye to those or that which is holding you from moving forward, even if it be the memory of a past friend, and lastly to focus not on your accusers actions or heart, but that of your own, lest your heart be broken into.

I have a long journey of cleaning up the mess that these thieves left in the house of my heart.

Thanks for journeying with me, praying and listening.

Let us keep running towards the Father....

"PJ"

2010-06-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

O' how my heart mourns,
for that which cannot be.

To sit with my friend at my Father's feet.

This kindred spirit
who touched my soul.

Never again with her shall it be.

Till we meet again,
in Eternity.

Whispers of Love

2010-06-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning,
as the strong sun rises,
showering kisses over all that is green or growing,
it's in these still moments
I feel you nearest me.

In every green
I see your sweet smile, Your joy and Your love.

Through the river current and the birds sweet laughter;

It's when I hear You call me to You.

O' to sit in the cool of the day, with my sweet Lover, Creator and Friend.

You whisper my name through the cool, crisp breeze,
saying 'I AM your beloved and you are Mine.'

J.C's Mom

2010-06-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

How do I explain? What words will define; how much you meant to me?

I could call you mother,
to define you to another.
But that would do no justice,
to you my closest friend.

You brushed my hair and kissed my scrapes,
and covered me in prayer

Throughout my years you modeled His ways,
for which I've carried throughout my days.

You saw me marry
to my sweet Gary & even raise the kids.

Yet your journey kept on going
and didn't end right there.

For many were
the days you'd call,
just because you care.

It's in these passing days that I,
feel this bitter sadness.

For HOW I miss your presence
and the gift you were to me.

I'll hold your love forever,
and our sweet times here together.

I realize now there are no words,
to define....

Such a woman...so divine

---This was for my friends mom....oh how great is the love for another

Time? Who has Time?

2010-06-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

We are made for community. Made to be together. Our purpose in even being on this earth is to care for those on this planet. Yet so often we fight this call. We fill our days with work, with hobbies or sports after work, and at the end of the day, we have no time. No time for people, for friends, for family, for anything. We are always rushing from one place to another. Fulfilling THAT which we feel is important to us, or makes us.

These things that we fill our day with are not overtly bad, however, when we allow them to steal our days, our hours...we need to re-assess what's important.

I've been thinking and praying so much about this. My heart is a bit grieved with my fellow brothers and sisters, for I think we are letting our hearts and our focus slip from where it needs to be. We are being enticed by whatever tickles our fancy. We say we have no time, yet we have time for TV, or time for whatever sport we are into, or time for...you fill in the blank.

There are those who are desperately seeking Jesus, or those who even know Jesus who desire to walk with others in community. Yet, I have heard from others, and even experienced this myself, where other believers have made mention..."I have no more time". Wow. At first hearing this, I was taken aback, both for those who heard that, and for myself. And I thought man, is this where we are at? Is this where the bride is at? That there are those who must beg to be apart of life with them, or to join in community with them. How far we have moved.

I look at the life of Jesus, and how He made time. Time for anyone. He sat with people who were least like Him-- tax collectors, thieves, etc. But He made time. Look at the woman with the Hemorrage. He was preaching, yet, made time for the "least of these". How about the man who was lifted down through a roof of a house, while Jesus was teaching. Jesus healed this man. He made time. Yet, we, have filled our days with community groups, church outings, soccer practice, golf practice, work,....whatever it is. We've got our 10 year plan to complete, which leaves little room for what God wants for us, or brings our way.

I just am disheartened with people, no....with Believers. Believers that are missing the call. We are called to be Jesus to those in need. To love our neighbor as our self.

Maybe this is just people and how they are. Maybe it's a longing for Jesus. Maybe I'm just not comfortable in this world.

I long for community, for depth, for making time, for sitting with the lonely, the least of these, the hungry, the poor in spirit....for there Jesus seems to reside.

I have found that I don't fit in with many. Many feel the same as me, yet I feel a lack of any change or trying to change outwardly. It seems as though people are content in their bubble. It's fun, it's comfortable. Maybe I'm weird, but I want something else. The status quo makes my stomach quessy.

I'm sorry if I'm coming on to strong. I just sense complacency, and I don't want that in the doorway of my heart!

I want to "walk" with those who Jesus walked with. I want to not be so enraptured by life and all the fun or busy things to do, but to MAKE time for people. For this is my purpose. What's yours?

2010-05-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

Sorry, it's been awhile since I last wrote, didn't want to write just to write.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in my blogs, but surely if you know me well, or follow any of my other writings, you may know that I was in a season of sitting in Ps. 23...probably for about 8 months. Anyways, during that time God so revealed His deep, deep love for me, as I had prayed. (Be careful what you pray for :) ) It is only these past couple weeks that I have felt Him leading me out of that season and transitioning me into a new season, one that revolves around 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. It reads, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Looking at the picture above of a boy from my Philippines trip, what strikes me is that he is who he is. He didn't try to clean himself up, or smile, or pose...he just came as he was. He was having a rough day and came just as he was...dirty, defeated and down.

This week has been an interesting one, in that so many people around me have had a major loss in their lives. Out of my love for them, and my desire to encourage I so often JUMP to make things better or to lift them out of the pain. But what I'm learning is...that's not always what the Father wants. Sometimes it's through those times of weakness or difficulties that the Father grows and makes strong that person. Weakness is not something to get rid of or hide from. So not only is it a season that He is growing my own heart in, but a season that He is showing me how to be with others as well.

I think in this season God may even be calling me to share out of that weakness, so that it may encourage others. We'll see....

But I just pray that we, that I, would each seek to be unashamed of our mess, of our hurts, or where our heart is at, and that we could come as that little child....dirty rags and all.

More later...

A life lived without passion is a life not lived

2010-03-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

Look at these beautiful children....what ZEST! what JOY! and PASSION!! Do you ever get those bursts of passion in you, but your body and life have a hard time expressing it outwardly? Or that burst of passion quickly fades?

One of the best quotes I've heard is this...."A life lived without passion is a life not lived". I don't know about you, but I, being the ultimate encourager, am CONSTANTLY encouraging others in their gifts and passions...To live a life with no bounds! And when I look around, I'm surrounded by beautiful people in my life that live large, extravegant lives for the Lord. My beautiful friend Sean started Falling Whistles, another helped lay the foundation for Invisible Children, another helps with Tom Shoes! I mean, my life is surrounded by those with similar passions who love the Lord, and are pushing for more, for those in need.

And then I look at myself. My heart YEARNS to transform the world, to feed the hungry, sit with that young person who's strung out and on the run, to clothe those who are naked, teach children about Jesus! My heart wants to do SOOO much, yet I look at my life, and while I have spurts of passion lived out, I quickly allow it to fade.

So often, I think we allow the right choices--the right job, the right house, clothes, body, etc...to rule our lives. It's a chase! Everyone is chasing something...what are you chasing? What would it look like to say no to the many things that seem so right, and step out in faith...allowing God to use the passions and gifts He has given us for kingdom purposes? It's scary, I know, and maybe there's pressure to follow that right choice....but I'll tell you this....a.life.lived.without.passion.is.a.life.not.lived. We can lie to ourselves that we can do without it...but we can't. Because in us God created each of us with a particular purpose....and if we don't go after it, we wage an internal fight within ourselves.

My heart races in thinking how this will affect my life in all senses...but I know that I must try to go after the passion of my heart, seeking the Father, and allowing Him to transform the world, or at least my community through that passion or gift in me created for a particular purpose. What does that look like for you?

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

2010-03-07T23:55:00.000-08:00

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

Tonight, I had a wonderful time of fellowship at my house, amongst friends, and those I'd never met. Goal --> community with friends and new faces.eat good food.play games. A good time was had, which surpassed menial games made of cardboard and plastic. I was struck with God's beauty tonight....in watching people laugh, conversations being had...community, love, friendship...that's what the night amounted to. All these things reeked of Jesus. After people left, and the house again settled, I went on Facebook. As I was reading some things posted by friends, I saw a friend post an old blog which communicated how different his life was, and showed just HOW MUCH God had done up to today. What glory! But this friend had also posted another even older blog that was during a tough time in that individual's life and there were comments from some who communicated in an angry way with much disdain, resentment, pain, hate, etc. As I read through some of those comments my mind immediately thought....how can one person (several in this case) have so much meanness in them??...and towards someone who fell in their faith and openly chose another path. That person needed prayers, love, and encouragement.
So, I sat on my bed thinking, and my mind turned to my own life recently and those I'd lost. And what God laid on my heart was this.... anger, judgment, hate....all these things, they flow from pain. And as I sat there thinking about all those who had left me, I realized just HOW easy it is to fall into that pit of pain, that anger and judgment flow from. And what I realized and desire to remember is this...I'm.not.God. I am unworthy of His grace, and unequipped to judge. Only the Father sees the WHOLE picture, and only the Father knows fully one's heart. We may think we know, and we may desire to make sure that another fully knows they're wrong....BUT.That's not our job. We are not God. We are to be grace givers. But this requires us to put down our pride of having to be right, and trusting that God's perfect will, will occur. Let us look for opportunities to share His grace with others, and stop looking for opportunities to judge. Let's look at our own heart...so that we don't let judgment slip into our heart. Oh how God will boggle the mind of those, who make hurtful comments, ignore you, etc...by responding in LOVE. Responding in a way that drips of grace. How are you going to go out to do this? I know what I will do. May we be grace givers. Peace be with you dear ones.

More than a resounding gong

2010-03-05T19:14:00.000-08:00

1 Corinthians 13
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to the burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account of wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to spek like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

When you look at these pictures, what's the common thread you see amongst the three pictures?? ....that's right! Love. These kids have a face of knowing, "I am well loved". I know many of us have heard this passage many, many times. In our mind we know that the greatest is love. And if I could be so bold, I would even push to say that many of us in our mind believe this to be an easier task to follow than some others the Bible calls us to.

Today, as I was sitting amongst some of my pictures of a trip, my mind began to wander and think on just how different life had looked from when I went on that trip to now. As I looked at each picture I was reminded of how not more than two people in those pictures were people who chose to be in my life currently or desirous of being my friend. I was saddened, yet quickly reminded how my gracious Father had filled that gap, and has begun to fill it with His people of His love, the kind of love of 1 Corin. 13.

It can be so easy to allow our love towards others to be conditional. We can tell ourselves....oh, they hurt me!....or Oh, they need to ask for forgiveness, or say I'm sorry...or I need them to do this or that....or whatever the case may be. We often times, myself included, put conditions on loving others, especially those who have hurt us, or wronged us in our mind. So our love becomes not only conditional but judgmental. But what each of us must remember is this ...."Love is patient, love is kind, ....love does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account of wrong suffered" We must die to ourselves, and seek more of Him. We must love our neighbor more than ourselves, and put down our pride or justification....and seek our neighbor, to love them as we would our self. This suddenly becomes a lot harder than it sounds.....because we aren't just loving those we may find easier to love in our mind....who outwardly may seem to need it....homeless, addicts, etc....but this kind of loves pushes us to break down walls and push past hurt and love even those we desire to have nothing to do with. What does that look like for you?? I know for me....it looks like me finding ways to love on those who left me, and aren't in my pictures or in my picture any more. It looks like me seeking a soft spot with those who may even hate me....but I desire to be more than a resounding gong. I desire to love with a love like the Father's...one with out bounds. What does it look like for you??

They Call Her Joy

2010-02-21T23:47:00.000-08:00

If you look at the picture at the top of my page....go, go look! :)....you'll see this beautiful Filipino girl next to me. Her name is Joy. I met her on my last trip to Negros, in the Philippines last June '09.
How I came to meet Joy was during a crusade that we were doing there. Joy was quite a special girl, regardless of her circumstances. Lemme paint you a picture of Joy's life....dad would physically and sexually abuse Joy daily, on top of which he would starve her to hopefully kill her. Mom, well, she was mentally disabled. I'm unsure what the mother had, but she was not fully present, mentally. And Joy....well, she was just Joy. She was outwardly nothing flashy, talented, or extraordinary. On the contrary, the town said she was the town outcast. No body loved or cared for this girl.
So when I saw this young sweetie, I scooped her up, onto my lap, to sit with myself and the rest of the Americans, as a presentation was being given to the "barangay" or village. As I did this, immediately all the children looked up at her and would stick their tongues out, put mad faces, and looks of scorn towards Joy. As I discretely looked through the side of my eyes to Joy, Joy was smiling proudly, as she sat on my lap, and very quietly waved to the other children, with a grin from ear to ear. This girl lived fully to her name. She was filled with SUCH joy, despite all those who cared not for her. She should have felt alone and been full of despair...but no, this sweet spirit was full of His joy. She cared not, what others felt, thought or sad, but gracefully and joyfully sat there knowing she was loved and special, cause she is the Kings.
Ever felt like the town outcast? Like not a soul cares for you? Everything is going wrong and has been ripped or taken from you? I say with progressing joy, that I have most recently, and it is so hard to have the joy that this sweet girl Joy had. But, I think when we realize that He is all we need, those who have hurt us, left us, or treat us badly fade into the distance. They are not fully forgotten, but we can know that we are loved, loved by the Father...as we sit on His lap, knowing that He delights richly in us. And we too will have that same kind of joy, seeing not the scornful faces

Unwavering Love - Karen Eckland's MySpace Blog | Bubble's Bubbilicious Blogs

2010-02-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

Unwavering Love - Karen Eckland's MySpace Blog | Bubble's Bubbilicious Blogs

"Bring Me Back" - Karen Eckland's MySpace Blog | Bubble's Bubbilicious Blogs

2010-02-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

"Bring Me Back" - Karen Eckland's MySpace Blog | Bubble's Bubbilicious Blogs

are you married or single??? - Karen Eckland's MySpace Blog | Bubble's Bubbilicious Blogs

2010-02-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

are you married or single??? - Karen Eckland's MySpace Blog | Bubble's Bubbilicious Blogs

Yet, You are Good

2010-02-20T21:12:00.000-08:00

How long O' Father will my heart cry, cry for all that is no more.

O' that I could feel grief's relief.

Will this bound rock ever be loosened from me?

It is too much to bear. YET Father I will praise You, for I "know" Your goodness. I have tasted Your nearness, Your love and Your faithfulness.

I will stand in You, my Solid Rock, my Firm Foundation.

Who am I, nothing more than a worm, to ask of anything, but I pray You would bring my earthly friend back to me.

That we would again sit in Your presence and go to the deep places, where You could be found.

To journey with a friend of like heart, nothing brings greater joy.

No Greater Love

2010-02-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

O' what extreme joy to have a journeyman with you on the road. One who encourages, and longs for the places of depth, as my heart does.

How my heart mourns the loss of my dear companion. Non compare. My soul is satisfied by the Father, yet longs for my sister.

What beauty there is in a friend.

The Great Divide

2010-02-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

My God, my friend. How can it be? I yearn to sit at Your feet, yet still I choose another.

Forsake me not, my Guide, my Father. How week is my flesh and forgetful my mind. Bridge this great divide in me, that I would choose no other.

Let not the dark soldiers take my heart captive. But like a tree be firmly planted in Your truth & Your love. Take all of me, for I am Yours. It's You I crave, there is no other.

My Africa

2010-02-20T21:05:00.000-08:00

Africa, my Africa, how loud you call my heart.

With each passing day I see your faces and the joy in your hearts

Africa, my Africa how little you do need. With tattered clothes and empty bellies, yet how your life is full.

Oh Africa, sweet Africa, how I miss you so! I carry ever face, and yoru story in the pocket of my heart. Will there be a day that the two again unite? For no longer can I bear it, that the two are apart.

Africa, my Africa you firmly hold my heart.

Boundless Love

2010-02-20T21:03:00.000-08:00

How can it be that you use to call me friend, friend, yet now stand so coldly, with nothing more than cordiality?

Help me Father, to love others as myself. Let me not think it's "fulfilling" enough to merely be cordial. Even to those I care not of, yet help me to love well, with teh same deep love that You have had for me, who is undeserving.

My Neighbor?

2010-02-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

"Love your neighbor as yourself". We hear this and go out and love the homeless, the criminal, the addict, you name it!

We all too often seek to love deeply these but not those we're angry with, lost friends, or those who have hurt or disappointed us. Too personal? Too hard?

How often we feel a smile is "fulfilling" enough with the difficult. Cordiality isn't enough. God calls us to more, to love others as yourself.

How Hard to do!

2010-02-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? What can I do?

I know what You've said, is for me too.

Love my neighbor, this I can do. Fee the poor, help the sick, pray for the blind, this I can do.

Those who have left me, and hurt me, they too are my neighbors but how hard they are to love.

O' Father, where do I start? What can I do? Show me how to love well even these. Politeness, just won't do. Help me to fully love, as I too have been loved.

In This I Trust

2010-02-20T20:52:00.000-08:00

I will wait my Father, my God. I will wait for he you've set aside; This man of passion, who loves You so.

He has a fire that does not die, but rather blazes full for You!

Oh what a sight to behold, He leads his family right to You.

Many say, "you dream a dream", but still I hold to what You've shown.

I will not waver, I will not settle, but hold fast for Your very best.

My prince awaits, who's strong in You.

In this I trust; for this I wait.

The Address of Conviction

2010-02-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

O' to live a life of deep conviction, for something that consumes our very being. A calling in which to transform the world for God's glory. We hope IT finds us. Maybe we haven't found it because we're waiting in "high" places. I wonder what we'd find if we waited upon Him amongst the "low" places, past where the eye can see, where the forgotten reside? Maybe there WE will find our conviction.